The day after watching a television special of my deceased husband during one of the games he played with the Golden State Warriors, I began to think about the past. As a 19-year-old mother and wife, I wasn’t taught how to live my life. It just happened. We had no plans for tomorrow. We just lived. We only cared about the present day. We made immature decisions because we were immature. Making sure we got our high on, that was the focus of each and every day. It was like preparing breakfast. It was normal.
When you have a sordid past, the enemy loves to remind you of your wrongdoings. If you let him, he’ll spread a thick layer of guilt over his reminders. You’ll begin to question yourself. On this day after watching the show, I wondered why things happened as they did.
Why did we do such a stupid thing as follow the crowd and use drugs? Instead of following my own career path, what would have happened differently had I followed my husband to California when he was traded to a different basketball team? If I had followed him, how would that have changed my life? Why didn’t someone invite me to Christ? Perhaps someone did, but as a functioning addict, my focus was only on my habit, and I couldn’t see past it. These rhetorical questions stayed in my mind for only a few minutes.
When I think about where I’ve been, I know that satan tried to kill me. Once you’re in the light, the enemy always wants to take you back to the dark places you’ve been. To the places where he could cause destruction. But I’m still here, and it’s because of my past that I’m living the life God called me to live from the beginning. When the enemy, or even my flesh, causes me to want to look back, I think of Lot’s wife. A statue. Without life. That’s when I shake myself, and I tell the devil he is defeated. I begin to thank God for His present-day goodness and mercy. I thank Him for the riches and successes of my future. I say it until I believe it, no matter what’s going on in my life because my latter is greater than my past.
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